"thanks for the best time of my life"

"healing"
today is a hard day.
the other 364 days have passed in a blur. .
a blur of nothing notable, no physical or emotional pain.
i am a rock
no one gets inside these walls except me.
i have been this way for one year.
each day i wake up and miss him, in the back of my mind.
today, however, is different.
it's the date of his death, exactly one year later.
when things like this happen to you, people say, "after one year
it gets easier. after one year you start to forget."
i always wondered, "what if i don't want to forget?"
and then i wonder, "will it get easier?"
will i be able to go a day without seeing his face in a stranger who passes me on the street?
or hearing a song that reminds me of him?


365 days later.
it has been 2 years.
the past 364 days have passed in a blur..
it's as if i have felt nothing.
i am a rock
no one gets inside these walls except me.
by now i know i've been through a few breakups since him.
a few attempts at fooling myself into thinking i'd found someone who was just like him.
of course i haven't. why do i bother?
and yet, feeling heartbroken is preferable to what i feel today.
april 14, 2010. 2 years.
they say the healing process gets easier. 
i don't believe them. 
it's 1:08 am and all i am thinking of is the squealing of the tires
and the phone call telling me he was gone.
i am thinking of the way my legs buckled and my heart stopped
and i wondered if it would ever beat again.


when things like this happen to you, people say, "after one year
it gets easier. after one year you start to forget."
i don't believe them anymore.

RIP 

adam garrin smith

7/2/86-4/14/08

"i know you stay true when  my world is false"