unhealthy obsession.

with this song.
it might be my next new purchase on itunes.
actually, it will be.


as of lately, i'm also currently obsessed with:

have some FAITH for goodness sake!!!

check this out.
still think obama is a worthless waste of space?
i sure don't.
let's imagine you were in his position and had to bring the economy back from 8 years of george w. bush.
no offense to bush... although i'm not a fan (no democrat really is... or republican, for that matter) i do acknowledge he had a hard presidency and did his best.
now obama is doing the same thing, except better.
before you're so quick to judge... realize that the effects of a presidency often take YEARS to show for us impatient Americans.
people thought FDR was nuts. they didn't see the effects of his New Deal plans until possibly 3 years into his presidency. this is almost the same situation.

there is some progress being made here.
and as if obama didn't already have my 100% approval, his public scolding of the Supreme Court's recent ruling basically rocked my socks off. but not Alido's so much, i suppose. read up on this one, too. it's mostly funny to me.
ah, if only we could all just get along. but that is asking too much when it comes to politics, i think.

:]

i love my cat.

she is so good at making you feel loved when no one else does.

all she wants is to be held.. (and fed.)

and although she is still mad at me for deciding to put her on a diet (she's morbidly obese), she never fails to meow at me when i wake up every morning.

or climb on my lap when i'm feeling down.

she has a sixth sense, i think.

i love you, nesta prime.

your sister kiara loves you too. even if she's always pestering you.

happy friday!

burn one down.

i don't understand.
when you care about someone, and you express that you're concerned for them, what do you do when they turn against you?

one of my biggest struggles is anger. when i'm happy or sad, i'm usually fairly good about controlling my emotions. when i get angry, all hell breaks loose.

i don't like people who take advantage of my friends or bring them down. 

i don't like when my friends feel like i judge them.. because my motto in life is exactly the opposite: live and let live.

if what you're doing makes you happy, go for it.don't let me stop you. just don't tell me you're going to do something if you don't plan on following through.
i let my emotions get involved, especially when i'm already overly protective of my friends. yuck.
i like people to try to help people better themselves. but what do you do when that backfires?

here's some inspiring words that i think will help me make it through the day.
burn one down - ben harper

Let us burn one
from end to end
and pass it over
to me my friend
burn it long, we'll burn it slow
to light me up before I go

if you don't like my fire
then don't come around
cause I'm gonna burn one down
yes I'm gonna burn one down

my choice is what I choose to do
and if I'm causing no harm
it shouldn't bother you
your choice is who you choose to be
and if your causin' no harm
then you're alright with me

if you don't like my fire
then don't come around
cause I'm gonna burn one down
yes I'm gonna burn one down

herb the gift from the earth
and what's from the earth
is of the greatest worth
so before you knock it try it first
you'll see it's a blessing
and its not a curse

if you don't like my fire
then don't come around
cause I'm gonna burn one down
yes I'm gonna burn one down 

granted, it is a song about the"herb". something i don't do. buuut... i have many functional stoner friends (logan IS a hippie town, after all) and i think they are all great people. with a lot to learn from.
your choice is who you choose to be and if you're causin' no harm then you're alright with me.'

ps... despite me thinking that today can go to you-know-where.... yesterday might have been one of the best days ever. 

girls night.

a much needed getaway from boys and poo heads.

i totally won... who would have thought?
i knew the bowling class i took freshman year would pay off eventually.

happy tuesday.

today i only work 1 1/2 jobs. (if you're wondering where that half came from, i just have to write a story for the college paper. piece of cake.)
nannying + writing + some homework = all my plans for the afternoon.
then later, i'll hit the gym with my good friends stan and emily.
and then even LATER... perhaps i'll get some time in for myself. lately my "me time" has consisted of practicing the guitar.

i still suck at it. so so much. but it is my GOAL to be able to play at least 1 incubus song on the guitar... someday. so far i am able to play some of the following:
1. wish you were here - pink floyd
2. redemption song - bob marley
3. time of your life - green day
4. sweet home alabama -lynrd skynrd
5. if i saw you in heaven - eric clapton

keep in mind i can play maybe the first 10-20 seconds of each song.
dangit.
on top of that i can play between 3-5 chords. woo!
they say practice makes perfect... we will see about that.

more humane society fun.

i love volunteering.

i fell in love with this adorable border collie named riley.

love!!

sometimes.

people expect you to read their minds.

and when you don't read it right... you know they're going to get mad.

ah, frustration.

we are domestic.

emily, hannah and i are somewhat domestic.
we like to cook for our guyfriends and wear cute aprons and be wifeish like that.

pesto/garlic pasta, broccoli and cheese, and the infamous gardner green bean/mushroom side dish.

vegetarian meals are best.

:]

night boarding.

we strapped in...

and hit some sweet jumps.
(can you spot me!?!)

it was cold, but amazing.

and beautiful.

have a fabulous weekend friends!

just looking back...

sometimes i enjoy going through my older blog and looking at my writing. i used to be a much more descriptive and open writer. now i'm too scared to see what people will think of me if i say what's truly on my mind!!
so my goal is to be a bit better at just writing. and just being me. this morning while looking through my writing pieces, i found this piece i called hesitation. i wrote it two weeks before i graduated from high school when i was having a really hard time with... (what else?) boys. 

It was like we knew our time was limited. Life was so bittersweet. I enjoyed every moment with him, but I was too scared to let go of the other one. When your future hangs above your head like fog, you tend to hold on to those you love. Even if it is well past time to let them go. And so I held onto them both. I held onto one for safety. He was my backup plan in case the future went horribly wrong. And I couldn't break it to him that I had fallen in love with someone else. He is good to me. He loves me.  And yet I could not love him back.
This other person...it was like we knew our time was limited. Driving through the canyon with the windows down, listening to Turbulence. "You have to be careful with my heart...& I'll  be someone else for you." And I was. I was happy, I was content, I was comfortable. As we lay in the grass one spring morning, sluffing school, he scratched my back and I told him my deepest concerns...about religion, life, the future. I will never forget the words he told me under the May sun. "Sometimes you just have to push blindly through uncertainty. If you dip your toes in the water and try 2 or 3 different paths, you're bound to get lost. Sometimes you just have to go, and not look back. If things go wrong, so what? At least you tried something new and different, and at least you gained the experience." He was there for me more than anyone. I could not believe how easy it was to tell him what was on my mind. He is my shoulder; my life; my other half; my better half.
We were attached at the hip up until the day I broke his heart. It was a late summer night, and it was drizzling rain. And I told him... I am too happy with you. I am too comfortable with you. There is something wrong with me; I am not happy being happy. I run around picking up the pieces of things I've broken, things I've lost. I want to be strong for someone else; I don't mind being hurt. I prefer it. I physically don't know how to lean on another person, & trust them as much as I trusted him. It scared me. "Why are you doing this?" he asked. "Because I am happy," I said. "It's something I'm not used to and I don't know what to do with it."
Now that he is gone, he writes every so often. And I realize just what I have done. I have let go of the one person who pushed me to be better. I have hurt the one boy who would never hurt me. When the future hangs above my head like fog, I will not do this again. I can only hope that time will heal his wounds, and when I see him again, it will be a happy reunion.
"My mom asked me the other day who I was talking to before I left. I told her you. She said 'Oh.' And then she said, 'You love her, don't you?' I told her yes, and she said, 'I knew it.'"
When the day comes & he finally gets home, I am going to make a choice. I am going to push blindly into the future, through the fog, & not look back. Because hesitation is my biggest regret.

this piece is about 2 1/2 years old, and it brings back every memory of this boy in a rush. i miss him so much and i can't wait to see him very, very soon.

life is so crazy. who knows what the future holds?

 

just my thoughts.

recently i got into somewhat of a debate over the whole gay marriage thing. it's something i feel strongly about because while living in logan, i've met many gay people and have found that they are some of the greatest people i know. they are loving, caring, funny, complimentary, and all around good people.
a lot of people have questioned my church and their stance on the subject. however, if you do a little research, you will find that the lds religion is one of the most liberal churches when it comes to gay marriage. for example, the muslim religion finds homosexuality worthy of capital punishment. (not anything against the muslim religion, just pointing out that the lds church is rather left-winged on the subject).
i personally am not for or against gay marriage. seeing how i'm not gay, i don't think i have room to speak on the matter. however, i think everyone needs to at least consider the LGBTA point of view before criticizing these good people. here is a conservative argument for why gay marriage is actually not "evil". in fact it could be considered an American value.
these are just some links to help you make your own decision on your stance on gay marriage. i don't expect to sway people's thoughts on the matter. however, as an American i like to consider all points of view before making my own decisions on where i stand on controversial issues.
we are all americans. we are all people. and all should be treated as such.

i am in love....

with the weekend.

haha.
it's my favorite time of the week. as i'm sure everyone will agree with me.. and this weekend was no exception. it was fabulous.
i got to hang out with some wonderful people. and my great friend constantine (pictured above) made a delicious sunday dinner last night... vegan sushi.

life is good.

snowshoeing.

today was a great day spent with my best friend.
we went snow shoeing.

the drive up the canyon [on an empty gas tank]. quite scary. but not quite as scary as the snow shoe adventures about to commence.

kiara, as you can tell, loved this adventure just as much as we did.

however...

there was one close call.. but emily's snow shoe got caught on a tree and therefore saved her life!!! it was so fun to hang out with emily, and the dog. i love the rare occasions where just emily and i can HANG OUT and be best friends. sometimes it gets hard with so many people/parties/school/work, so a friday spent conquering a mountain was all-in-all a great success.

oh.... AND percival our pet polaroid came with us on the adventure as well..

checkit.

dark, but rockin' still.

this week in general was also good. i found a way to get into 6 credits!!! yay!! i'm taking math and english. two classes i've been putting off taking since i got here for school, but now that i'll only have 2 classes i'll be able to really focus on them and get epic grades!
i also have had no luck whatsoever on the job hunt. so i've just been upping the hours at my current jobs if at all possible. which isn't really working.

despite my financial situation still struggling, i've managed to make due with what i have and have had a very happy happy week!!
last random thought.. i am trying to decide if i am one of those girls who pulls off the "lipstick" look. i see so many girls doing it and can't help but envy how cute it looks on them. but i always feel uncomfortable trying out anything too "girly".

here's a dark picture of my first attempt at lipstick.

photo taken by 3-year-old zachary, who honestly told me he wanted to take my picture, because he thought i had a cute outfit on today.

children are adorable.

abeautifuldayinlogan