lately

 

we get funny stares when we go to cafe rio.. he gets a giant salad & i stuff my face with a smothered burrito. people can never quite grasp that HE'S getting the salad.

 

squinty-eyed nesta (this is her 'i'm in heaven' face. she only makes it for luke cuz 

she likes him more than me.) 

 

...sometimes a hot dog sounds good at 3 in the morning when you're at work.

don't judge me. 

 

nesta has learned to open the door.

this cat-child... keeps me busy. 

also, everyone! important announcement, yo!

i'm switching over to a new blog: yes, i finally got that notice that i have to "pay" if i want to use more photo space.

eff no.

so here we are:

www.peacelovelauren.wordpress.com

you can start following my adventures there! i have to do that blog for a class (why does it seem like my whole blogging career has been for school?) so expect to find a lot more writing. that's cool though, right?  

thoughts.

i'm very glad i don' t work until late tomorrow, because i have caught the insomnia bug...bad.

last night i had anxiety over what to do come fall, balancing school & my 2 (& a half) jobs. it all seems like so much sometimes.

but today it feels like nothing.

earlier this evening i heard about the sibling of an old, dear friend of mine passing away. my friend arianna marsden lived in my parent's neighborhood when we were in jr. high. she was my locker partner, my confidant & my friend through many awkward years. she played a role in the lds movie, "the testaments" (the little girl with the monkey!) so i always felt so privileged to be her friend. her whole family was so lovely, & always welcoming to me.

i remember her little brother, sawyer. he was so cute & lovable. he always wanted to hang out with us, even though most of the time we were far "too cool" for little brothers. that was hardly the case, though. he was always coming up with clever pranks to play on their little sister, alanna, who is my sister rachel's age. we had a blast through those years. it was a lovely time in my life.

it's been a good 10 years since i've really even thought about sawyer, or talked to him. they moved back to canada when i was going into 9th grade, & other than keeping in touch with ari, i didn't know much about the family through the years.

i'm up tonight because i'm so, so sad for her family. i'm so sad for the heartache they have to endure. i can't even believe the little boy sawyer is gone. i don't even think he made it to 21. it breaks me, to my core.

i've always had an irrational fear of losing family & those close to me. i've been dealt a great hand in that i've never had to deal with something like that. a close friend of mine passed away my sophomore year of college, & that is it: the closest i've come to true, complete heartbreak.

anxiety is keeping me up; mostly i'm afraid something will happen to those close to me. sometimes i have to talk myself out of this sort of thought process. all growing up, i guilted myself into doing what i was "supposed" to do, because if i didn't, god would punish me by taking away someone i loved. i see now the complete irrationality of that mindset, though at the time it made sense... the scare tactics used by the church i was raised in can be a bit bothersome. i was truly terrified that if i did something considered a "sin," the next day my mom would die. i remember when my next door neighbor died at the age of 8, i spent months & months trying to convince myself that it WASN'T because i did something wrong. she was just...gone, because the universe made it so. & i have gotten lucky to not be one of those chosen to just...go.

that's another thing eating at me this evening. if i were gone tomorrow...just gone, completely, with no time to say my goodbyes... what would people think? i guess it would depend on how i went. but i get so paranoid of thinking that what if tomorrow i get hit by a bus, & people think, "oh, poor lauren. she was never on the right path anyway." or that they never know how deeply i care for my family, despite how different & isolated i sometimes feel. that they would never know how hard i tried to be "normal," to be one of them, to be something i'm not.

i guess the point of this post is to point out how much i truly love you all. my family, boyfriend, close friends, acquaintances..even those who read my blog that i have never met. life is special. life is sacred. it's something bigger than what we know.

cherish those you love, & make sure you never hesitate to tell them how you feel.

i already feel better (& more sleepy). sometimes a good venting/admittance of how much i love those around me is just what i need.

vintage cake stand diy.

i made this cute cake stand originally for my sister's wedding...my mom told me "white," so that's what i did. turns out my sister wants wooden.

so now, i have a cake stand & no cake (or cookies) to put on it! anyone want one? hehe.

either way, if you'd like to know how to make one yourself, hop on over to indie ogden & check out my latest diy post. it was a fun one!

happy thursday!

Peace, Love and Pizza

yesterday i was able to see my best friend, emily, & her boyfriend, erick, for a short lunch & thrifting date. even though em now lives in ogden, our lives have gotten so busy that i truly treasure the little time we get to spend together!
i took her to lucky slice (my fave pizza place in ogden) & showed her the wonders of 25th street. for those who don't know, this is where i spend the majority of my time... & money. 

erick & emily quickly understood why as i took them to two of my favorite little shops, sock monkey'n around antiques, & olive & dahlia.

a shelf i wanted...really bad.

us outside green the world. as you can see, i couldn't resist purchasing a couple things (socks, that were so cute, as well as a wooden owl.)

emily's awesome fish-eye of lucky slice!

i have to draw on the chalkboard wall every time i go there. just cuz..

*ahem* my birthday is in november.....

all in all it was a lovely time seeing miss emily. i miss her, & wish we had more time to ourselves.

kaylee turns 5!

yesterday i was able to go to lagoon for the first time in several years to celebrate luke's niece's 5th birthday! i love that angel of a little girl. kaylee never hesitates to compliment those around her. the first thing she said to me when we got to lagoon was, "lauren, i really like your hair today." (little did she know i had slaved away at it for 20 mins, convinced my hair was being THOROUGHLY uncooperative.) that little girl has a way with words & a way to make everyone around her feel loved! she is a perfect girl in every way & i am so glad to have been able to celebrate her birthday with her (& luke's amazing familia). here are some photos, mostly taken by luke's cousin shaela.

kaylee showing us how to prevent getting stung by a bee: FREEZE! it was so funny cuz right after this a guy literally jumped the fence in line cuz the bee was chasing him, & kaylee yelled, "HEY DUDE! DO THIS!" & struck her freeze pose. so funny.

waiting in line for dracula's castle. & not looking very attractive, might i add.

waiting in line for terror ride. me, cousin shaela, & luke's little sis marti.

sad i didn't get any photos with luke's older sister cass.

waiting to ride "jumpin' dragon." it's a little kid ride, but i won't lie, i was a TAD nervous for this one. i don't do too well on round and round rides (as i learned later on samurai), but kaylee held my hand the whole time & said, "don't be scared laur, just pretend to be a cheetah."

luke's best friend tim & his 2-year-old mason were able to join us for a few hours. luke is mason's godfather, & this little boy is one of the most well behaved i've ever met. he hardly made a peep the two hours they were there with us, except to say "choo choo!" for the train, & "look at the circles!" when he saw colossus.

all in all a lovely day.

TOM PETTY & THE HEARTBREAKERS.

well needless to say, i started my summer off right. immediately after finishing my last 2 finals on tuesday, ally & i headed out to broomfield, colorado to check an item off my bucket list.. SEE TOM PETTY & THE HEARTBREAKERS LIVE!
holy cow, it was so much fun! ally & i got into town around 5, & after driving around for 2 hours & talking to some locals we found out there is a FIRE BAN in the whole state... unfortunate, since all the food we packed required being cooked by coals or a fire.
so before i had a meltdown (anxiety, anyone?) we found an ADORABLE bed & breakfast right in town, with a very cool name:

wildflowers just so happens to be the name of my favorite tom petty album, so we felt it was meant to be.

after we checked in we wandered around trying to catch all the wild bunnies... seriously. there were probably 50+ little bunnies running around this place. it was the cutest thing. i was in bed by ten, thanks to my sleep schedule being all messed up from working at starbucks, so poor ally resorted to calling her bf & eating chips in the bathtub so she wouldn't wake me. luckily i stayed up long enough to see the most amazing sunset:

ya, it was awesome.

the next day we woke up & headed to BOULDER! i've been told by about 10 people that i "belong" in boulder, & so i've been very curious to check it out & see what people mean. sure enough it's the best place i have ever been to. it reminds me of 25th street in ogden, but about 10 times that size & filled with people 10 times as nice. we had people wandering up to us all morning! they told ally they loved her tattoo, & i got about 10 compliments on my tie dye dress. there were little shops everywhere, selling just about anything you can imagine. i bought luke a carved elephant & a dream catcher for myself! the lady i bought them from even threw in a free bracelet. score!

there were marijuana dispensaries (haha), little cafes & tea shops, clothing outlets, antique stores, & even a 100% vegan/gluten-free restaurant!!! ally & i thought that was amazing, since she is vegetarian & i'm eating gluten-free, & finding places to eat for both of us was kind of a challenge! the restaurant was called LEAF & was so delicious!

a bumper sticker shop...i almost bought gigi another tattoo.

this guy was SO COOL! he could play the bass standing like that, & he could play the guitar while standing on his bass! skills.

ally & i wandering boulder.

excited to eat at leaf!

after boulder we headed back to broomfield & found a cheap hotel for 80 bucks, that even had a shuttle service up to the arena where tom was playing. so we headed up to wait in line & ended up in FRONT ROW for the show.

regina spektor opened for him & was so adorable... i was stoked to see her perform! however, nothing compares to the excitement i felt when tom & the heartbreakers came on stage. ally & i were screaming! it was by far the best live concert i have ever been to. he played a lot of his classics, like "free fallin," "i won't back down," & "runnin down a dream," as well as some older songs i was very excited about like "yer so bad" & "you wreck me." it was amazing! for the finale, he came back on stage & played "mary jane's last dance," which has been my fave song of his for at LEAST 20 years, & "american girl." 

here we are before the show with our friend AJ. we were so excited!

the best part of the trip might have been when i got this picture message on the drive home. luke (who i'm pretty sure missed me a lot ;) haha), bought this acoustic guitar for me to jam to! how sweet is that boy? i spent the majority of the drive trying to remember chords & songs i used to know.. it's been over a year since i played, so wish me luck!

all in all, a fabulous start to my summer.

sad times & happy times

yesterday started out pretty rough.

my brother's family, who wasn't supposed to move until today, decided they wanted to get a head start on the move & leave early.

i got to their house about 1 to help pack up some last minute things (i have been so busy with school this week, i hardly even got to help...i felt pretty bad.) & was a bit jolted by the news. 

we headed over to my parent's house to say goodbye to the chickens & the dogs... & then they said goodbye to us. 

grace giving me goodbye kisses.

i gave her about 30 thousand. i couldn't stop kissing her or matthew, basically.

smiling... slash being teary eyed. whoops.

my favorite 5-year-old.  i've watched this kid grow up & have loved every minute of being his (favorite) aunt.

blaaargh.

i managed to keep it together & really cried only once, when my sister-in-law started crying. it always sucks when your family is sad. & it made me realize that while they are starting a new, amazing chapter in texas, i'm going to miss the living in layton utah chapter! where sunday dinners, family walks, camping trips, random visits, and more were much much easier to accomplish!

despite the sad day that it was, it also turned out to be a happy one. i went REAL grocery shopping with luke's sister cassie (whose whole family is gluten-free). we went to SUNFLOWER MARKET in SLC, which is cleverly named after my favorite flower....clever because it's my new favorite market. good produce for cheap & SEVERAL more gluten-free options.

this diet might be easier than i thought! anyway, we also went to a book/vinyl sale at the SLC library, where i found the evita soundtrack for a dollar (my dad would be so proud).

another nice thing about yesterday was that i realized i still have one sweet newborn nephew to tie over my "baby hunger," as well as luke's niece to chase pigeons around the library with....hahah, i love her.

pola's.

i've been itching to buy a Polaroid camera lately...what with saving for TOM PETTY & other fun adventures though, it doesn't seem to be in the budget. Internet-created Pola's are the next best thing! I think I'm going to use these in my back room... I have a huge corkboard just waiting to be filled with awesomeness. Here's my inspiration:

(thank you, pinterest.)

these are some of my most favorite photos.

wish i had more photos of my mama though....will have to work on that.