fall is here.

fall is here. something i couldn't be more pleased about. this summer was hard... really hard. life changing events, moving home, dropping out of utah state, getting a new job, meeting new people, forcing a smile on days when that was the last thing i wanted to do, laying in bed all day, wallowing in my self-pity...it was definitely not a summer for the books.

and now fall is here and i feel hope.  i love the feeling of knowing that i am a survivor, that i have broken free from the walls that previously defined me. every day i wake up telling myself, "i was lauren before i knew him. he may have greatly affected my life..in good ways and in bad.. but i was someone before he came along, and i will continue to be someone after."
fall just reiterates that theory. it's a time for fresh starts, new beginnings.. the end is in sight. and i am so grateful that i survived this summer so that i could see that.
i learned a lot of things about myself this summer. despite how truly awful it was, i don't necessarily regret anything because i learned a few rules to live by:

1. keep your friends close. this summer the main thing i learned is who my real friends are, and who my real friends aren't. it is truly surprising. the people i thought i was so close to, and thought i could go to for anything, turned out to be the worst for me in my situation. they were there for me at the initial crisis, when it was "cool" to be there. but after a few weeks, they turned into ugly, unfortunate people i hardly call friends. at the same time, those who were just good friends before became best friends. i am so glad i had people like aaron, kyle, emily, and mike with me this summer. they [and others] proved to be the best kind of people out there...people i am very lucky to have. 2. don't waste your time on people who aren't worth your time. this was hard for me. i am usually a people pleaser, and i give so many people second and third chances even when they have hurt me beyond belief. i have come to a point where i can't do it anymore...and i am so glad i don't put up with it. it is emotionally exhausting being there for people who turn around and talk crap behind your back. i have gotten to the point where when i realize someone i love is being two-faced, it's incredibly easy to just X THEM. move on. i don't need people like them in my life. 3. family is awesome. i've always known this but this summer i realized that family really is awesome. my brothers are fantastic, funny, great guys and my sisters are my biggest examples. my dad, while we have our moments, is a great man who i trust with my life. not to mention my mother... who will always be my best friend. she is the greatest. 4. enjoy the little moments. like sunsets, laughing until your stomach hurts, sitting on the porch with friends, going on walks, sunflowers, walking barefoot, dancing in the street, the sounds of a thunderstorm, hiking, sleeping in, finding new friends, enjoying old memories.